Some things have been weighing on my mind….

My fast is over… I was going to say my fast went fast, but then the lame light bulb went off and I scrapped it…

I decided to end my fast Monday afternoon.  I had made my peace with God about it… I felt as though I have grown a deeper connection with God, I’ve shown Him that I yearn to be faithful, that I want a commitment to Him, and that I want to continue to walk with Him as my focus.

Physically I feel healthier… my IBS seems under control… my fatigue that I usually suffer from seems to be lessened… My body feels better and stronger…. I feel better and stronger… I realize now that it wasn’t just about will power all these years it was about His power… that was what I was lacking…

Where do we go from here…

I plan on continuing to eat as cleanly as possible… I want to cut out the majority of processed foods from my diet… there are however some things I cannot live without… ok I could live without them I’m choosing not too… such as fake butter… salad dressings… and the occasional piece of candy or sweet…. I do however plan on trying to do say 90/10… 90% of the time I want to eat whole and natural foods… 10% of the time I will have little add ins and extras… I do want to try to cut out the artificial sweeteners as best I can… I am looking at different alternatives to sweeten up my life… I also am going to continue to moderate my caffeine in-take… I realized how much I was addicted to and relying on caffeine and as much as I love coffee and tea I really only love it with artificial garbage in it… I don’t drink black coffee or plain tea… so maybe all these years I’ve really only liked the taste of hot artificial sweeteners and flavored creams.

Monday night I had my monthly Girlfriends meeting… it is such a blast and the food is always amazing… This month’s theme was Hillybilly Night… 

I had a large salad with poppy seed dressing, a small cup of soup beans, a small pumpkin cookie, and a handful of candy corns…. Yums!

Tuesday… 

I started off this morning with a big breakfast… the one thing I missed most on the fast was eggs… I love eggs… I’m not sure why this is or when this fascination with eggs began, but I really could eat them everyday... For breakfast I had two hard boiled eggs with salt and pepper and ¾ of a cup of cold oatmeal with 1 TBSP of Natural PB and 1 medium banana… I like to make a large pot of slow cook oatmeal on Sundays… then during the week I can scoop out a portion and fix it however I chose… I really have enjoyed eating it as a ‘cold’ cereal with PB and fresh banana stirred in…   I use the steel cut oats which are a thicker and heartier variety…

Snack: 1 fig, 1 prune, and 18 almonds… I have these in little box containers in my desk… it’s a great snack… it’s filling sweet and crunchy… it’s just enough to hold me over until lunch time…

Lunch: 1 very large salad with homemade raspberry vinaigrette.  I brought salad for all my friends today since I had a bunch left from last night… mmm salad… I really do enjoy the crunchy refreshment of salad…

            * For the vinaigrette I used 1 TBSP of Simply preserves Raspberry Jam + oil + vinegar

Snack: 1 tangerine

Dinner:  salad

Snack: Banana

Tonight was my weekly Faithfully Fit meeting… we started a new thing this week… we are now doing a biggest loser style competition… no one is getting sent home of course… it’s just a weight loss challenge… each person is kicking in $20… the person who loses the highest % will win the ‘pot’… this contest will run until the week of Christmas… That’s a long time an 2 holidays to stay on track through… I however being stingy and having a mean competitive streak really wants to win… ok so I really also want to beat my friend Karen… Karen if you are reading this I love you and the other girls with all my heart, but I want to kick your tush! *insert game face* You are going down FF girls!!! Down!!!   From the last ‘session’ that we did Karen had this biggest % of weight loss and I was trailing her followed by our friend Tiff…  This is a new session sisters and you best be prepared for a hurting!

To rap up our Made to Crave Series....

I weighed in originally in June at 259 tonight I was down a total of 18lbs.... I have also lost 16.5inches.

I'm very proud of myself and very excited to start the new competition... I want to push myself a little hard and I plan on spending a lot more time exercising and getting in to really good phsyical shape not just dropping the pounds!

J  We weigh in at night so I weigh a little heavier at night then in the am… This morning I weighed in at about 238… this # really scares me… I start getting nervous when I start achieving success… and well as an adult I’ve never been under 233… the last time I lost weight was 2 yrs ago… I hit 233 then I had to have surgery then things hit the fan and exploded and life turned into a big pile of triple fudge cake… and I gained it all back and then some… but the lowest I can ever remember being as an adult was 233… I’m coming up on that number again… it worries me and it scares me… what if… what if… I hit 230 or 225 or I keep actually losing weight… what if this whole eating healthy and exercising thing actually works and I really lose 100lbs… then what.. If you’ve never been thin then you have no point of reference... I graduated high school at a size 22/24… I’ve never really been lower… I don’t know what I’ll look like, how I’ll feel, how clothes will fit me… I know this seems crazy and that I should be happy and excited, but boy oh boy is it scary… I mean what if… So then I must turn to God and ask Him to guide me…. Jesus give me your strength to not fail this time… to keep going and to know that with you on my side Christ then what shall I fear…

Praises: God I am sooo thankful for this journey that you have put before me… I used to see this weight as a curse… instead I now see it as a learning experience… you have showed me where gluttony and greed with food will get me… I can now apply that to all aspects of my life… I realize the paths that I went down previously were of my own choice Lord and not of your guidance… for Father if I would have followed your path from the very beginning I would never have had to have gone through the pain and torments that I have had to endure… I often feel like the prodigal son coming back and asking for a meager allotment and you showing me with all of your love… I know I am not worthy Lord and there is nothing I can give you other then my praise, gratitude, and life…

xoxo

Spaghetti Sunday…

So…. We left off at…. Wednesday…. Then well it was Thursday Day 4 of the Daniel Fast…. I pretty much kept eating the same foods… Oatmeal with a banana in the morning, soup for lunch, dried and fresh fruits for snacking…  Until I wanted something fresh… I wanted salad, but not lettuce salad… I decided to make an avocado salad…

Here is how it looked:

Here is how I made it:

I took 1 avocado + ½ green pepper + ½ seeded cucumber  + 1 seeded tomato + 1 cup of cooked and chilled quinoa + the juice of 1 lemon + 2 tsp of olive oil + salt and pepper…. You could also add a small splash of vinegar if you like

…….. I also ate this for lunch on Friday(Day  5 of the Daniel Fast)…

Saturday(Day 6 of the Daniel Fast) is where I knew the struggle would begin… I went with a few of the girls from Girlfriends to see a Christian Comedian named Tim Hawkins… Before leaving I made some steamed squash.  I had bought a prepackaged bag of fresh squash to steam.  It was really tasty…. I sprinkled with some cinnamon!

We stopped to eat quickly at Wendy’s where I ended up getting a ½ salad with guacamole and salsa…. I also ate two Lara Bars….  This was the first day I truly missed meat.  I wanted a burger or at least a chicken sandwich, but I held strong to my fasting efforts.  The comedian was amazing.  He was so funny and it was great to get out for a night with the girls….

Today was another serious test of faith with my fasting.  Today we had a spaghetti dinner at church… Oi Vey!  I decided I was going to do my best to set myself up for success… I made a spaghetti squash, dressing, and some baked apples… I asked that they set aside some salad without any dressing.  I enjoyed a nice salad, spaghetti squash with some of their sauce, and some baked apples… It was really tasty.  I really wanted the bread… however it was just plain white store bought Italian… it wasn’t anything fancy or overly desirable.  The desserts looked amazing so I was very thankful that I had brought my apples… I did well and I stayed on track… I am very thankful for that.

So far I’ve lost between 5-6 pounds on this fast.  I plan on going off of the fast very slowly.  I do not want to shock my system or instantaneously gain back all the weight I’ve lost.  Although this fasting journey was not about weight loss I can say that it really gave me a little push that I needed and right now I’m at just over 33pounds lost total.  I’m happy… My journey is being blessed and I can feel God’s hands working in my life.

I feel like my connection to God has deepened… I feel like I’ve turning to prayer more often.  I feel like He has been guiding me in my choices… He has been revealing truths to me and showing me where I need to improve…. I’m praying God will continue to bless my journey and that He will reveal Himself to me in all aspects of my life.

I’m still unsure of when to break my fast.  I originally said I was going to do 7 days then I said no 10… I think at this point God will reveal to me when the time is right to transition from the Fast its self to a clean eating life style…. Adding back in some meats, poultry, dairy, and some different grains.

Please keep my weight loss group in prayer we are going to walk our first 5k this coming Saturday and the weather at this point is not looking so great!

XOXO

Caffeine addiction!

Caffeine addiction…

Hi I am Jen and I am a caffeine addict… I am addicted to coffee, green tea, black tea, herbal teas, and anything hot steamy and caffeinated or fizzy, bubbly, ice cold and caffeinated!

Today is day the 3^rd day of the Daniel fast… I’m doing surprisingly well….  Aside from the caffeine withdrawal Mon and Tues there isn’t too much to complain about….

For food I’ve been pretty strict on myself…

The only ‘processed food’ I’ve been eating is Lara Bars… if you do not know about the amazingness of these bars you must go, buy, and eat! Now you may ask how are you eating ‘bars’ when you are doing a Daniel Fast and not supposed to be eating processed food… well…. The answer is simple… these bars are extremely clean… mostly they contain fruit and nuts… if you read the label most of them only have 3-6 ingredients… there for I deemed these perfectly expectable for my current fasting plan… additionally Kroger’s has these on sale right now! Normally they are $2 but right now they are $1! YAY!  If you are going to try any I recommend the PBJ, cherry pie, and banana nut bread… some of the other flavors have more ingredients and included things I know I shouldn’t have during this fast such as chocolate but I’m sure those flavors are equally as good.

To help prepare myself for the fast on Sunday I made a large pot of beans and rice and a large pot of oatmeal with dates for some sweetness.

Monday:

Breakfast- Cashew Cookie Lara Bar, 1 serving of organic steele cut oats with some dates for sweetness, and prunes.

Lunch- 1 serving of beans and rice

All day I snacked and munched this made it a little easier for me I think… I had dried figs, dried dates, raw almonds, 2 small apples, 1 small tangerine, and 1 cup of grapes.

Dinner- 1 PBJ Lara Bar

The caffeine withdrawal was really bad Monday evening.  I was moody, suffering from a slight headache, and feeling like I was walking in a fog.  I was a wreck.  I had prayed God would free me from this, but I truly believe that He is trying to show me how all the things I am putting in my body affects it.

I normally would have several cups of coffee, tea, and even diet soda a day… no wonder I never slept at night!

Tuesday:

Breakfast-Banana Nut Bread Lara Bar, 1 serving of organic steele cut oats with dates and slivered almonds.

Snack: Figs, dates, and an apple

Lunch: Homemade veggie soup

Snack: 1 small apple and a tangerine

Dinner: Homemade veggie soup with rice and a cherry pie Lara bar

Now if I had time and energy and money I would have bought fresh veggies and tomatoes.  I would have spent hours cutting, chopping, sautéing, simmering, and tasting… I did not have that kind of time….

I allowed the store to do most of the work for me.  I bought 2 cans of crushed tomatoes, 1 can of tomato juice, 1 bag of chopped frozen onions, 1 bag of chopped frozen mixed veggies, and 2 bags of frozen soup veggie mix…

I put all ingredients in the crock-pot and add a touch of extra water… I let this cook overnight Monday night….on low...

Deliciousness! 

Tuesday evening I got to spend some QT with my uncle and then hit they hay relatively early… It was another restless night…

I did however wake up this morning feeling great… Like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and like I was back to me again… I think that the caffeine withdrawal I had been suffering from for two days has finally lifted.  Today I want to focus on not eating so much dried fruit… although tasty it is rather calorie dense… and really not all that filling…

I made an adjustment to my normal breakfast and I’m truly pleased with it!

Breakfast: 1 medium banana cooked, 1.5cups of cooked steele cut oatmeal, 1/4cup of walnuts, and 1 tsp of cinnamon... 

I had the banana frozen as I always keep a stock pile of frozen bananas for banana bread…. I peeled it and microwaved it for 2 minutes… it became mushy and runny… I then mixed in the precooked oatmeal I had made on Sunday… with some walnuts and cinnamon… This was amazing… it was like eating hot banana bread… definitely a keeper!

Snack: 1 small apple + 2 cups of grapes

Lunch: 1.5cups of homemade veggie soup with ½ cup of brown rice + 1 small apple

Snack: 1 tangerine +1 Peanut Butter Jelly Lara Bar (seriously my favorite flavor)

Dinner: Mixed raw veggies, slivered almonds, beans, and couscous… all drizzled in balsamic

Dinner was on the fly tonight as I had to stop by my mother’s to wish her a happy birthday and then go to bible study at church… Right now nothing is friendly at the drive-thru and that is normally where I would head between the gym and church… I needed to stop by Giant Eagle to grab my mom a few surprises for her b-day… so I headed to the salad bar.  I got the smallest container they had and began to stuff if with raw veggies including : peas, soy beans, celery, cucumbers, red green and yellow peppers, topped with slivered almonds, black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans.  It was satisfying and crunchy!

Monday my calories were a little high at 1800… Tuesday I came in at around 1591… Today at about 1450

Now I’m not purposefully trying to go super low on calories… nor am I in anyway starving myself…  I am simply eating when I’m hungry and following the guidelines of the Daniel Fast… I eat almost constantly yet I find I’m not taking in that many calories all at one time because they food is all naturally low calorie.

Since water is the only drink I can have I am drinking plenty!

You may wonder at this point how the fast is affecting my weight… well I can say on Monday morning pre-fast I was up 1lb… this morning I was down 3lbs… Although I am not doing this fast for weight loss purposes I am very glad it is helping… Also I am much more aware to the how processed most foods are and the amazing amount of chemicals they put in food… especially ‘natural’ chemicals…. I told a friend I feel clean on the inside now… and that’s the truth I feel like all the toxins are working their way out of my body.

The true test is still to come for me… Sat I am going to see a Christian comedian named Tim Hawkins (seriously you-tube his Chick-fil-a song you won’t be disappointed!) I am going with a group and we will be eating out.  I don’t know where we will be eating so that part is up in the air for me…. I am hoping I can either get just some salad or some veggies.  I will pack a snack in my bag! Sunday my church has its spaghetti dinner and although I can’t eat spaghetti I am going to support the church.  I plan on bringing my own rice or barley and just getting sauce.  It seems wrong that I’ll be paying $10 just for sauce, but since the money goes to the church I won’t feel so bad!  The bread and dessert are going to be big temptations for me.  I love bread.  I really love desserts.  I however now know that those things don’t love my body from the inside or the out.  Those things must be avoided.  I may also bring some veggies to snack on as well. Monday I have my monthly Girlfriends night where we eat! I volunteered to bring something.  I’m going to make a tossed salad.  I’m going to buy some ranch dressing and then I’m going to make some raspberry vinaigrette and/or balsamic vinaigrette.  I will make sure there is plenty of salad so I definitely have enough to eat!  I think that these things are where the devil is going to try to tempt me the most!  In these settings I’ll be with large groups eating whatever they want… I may struggle with these days, but I know that I will hold true to my vowels with God and this fast.

I’m praising God that I am over this caffeine addiction… I don’t think I realize how dependant I had become… I think that when I quit smoking in January that my body just clung to the next fix that came along and that was caffeine… I now need to make my fix Jesus and healthy living… Those are the two things I want my body to yearn and crave.

xoxo

Where I was... Where I am... Where I'm going...

I've been absent again from blogging... tsk tsk... I've been spending some serious time praying, researching, and seeking guidance from God and friends about where to take my journey... I've been having a difficult time.... I can't seem to stay on track... even if I log... even if I blog... I can't seem to keep it together... I realize I need structure... I need to be told 'No!'... currently I'm eating what I want and just counting calories and logging my food... that has been working for the most part... I've been losing weight and inches... But I haven't gained health yet... That is what I really want... to be and feel physically healthy...

So I've been praying and asking God to show me where I'm going wrong and what I need to do... Then I was talking to a friend and we were talking about food and how especially ‘healthy’ food is super processed... it has lots of artificial, extra, additives, and well frankly it's junk... so then I think if the old adage is true you are what you eat then no wonder I feel so yucky... I'm eating fewer calories, but at what cost... it's not like I’m just eating fruits and lean meats and whole grains.... I'm eating fiber bars, frozen meals, sauces, dressings, and 'lite' foods... all these foods contain artificial sweeteners and preservatives.... so what if I change this... So i began to thinking about it and pray about it.

God started pointing things out to me… Like after eating something really processed like a roll or candy or certain diet foods I would get really bad stomach pains… Then I started not just reading labels but reading ingredient lists… yeah this is scary guys…. I mean really go to your freezer right now and pick something you think is relatively highly processed and read the ingredients… some of them are things that I would gasp if they were in my dog’s food let alone my own… here is my big example…

I was trying to use up some of the ‘freezer’ food… and in doing so… there were some chicken patties… I tossed them in the oven to make chicken sandwiches… 170cal a patty… that’s not bad considering I’d only be eating one… then I started reading… 1^st ingredient chicken breast meat, 2^nd water, 3^rd chicken skin…. Insert a gagging noise here…. Now that is pretty nasty… I mean I get there is skin in chicken, but to actually add it to something it wasn’t in…. why?!?!?!!? AHHHHHH!!!!!! Also.... notice it contains soy...... in my chicken.....

At that moment I realized that I never wanted to eat chicken patties again… I want real chicken… real things… then I started doing more research… do you know that there is soy in just about everything we eat? …do you know that soy changes the estrogen levels in people… it in its natural form is perfectly healthy and great and tasty… however… it’s used to thicken, stretch, and modify foods… lots of foods… so then you end up eating tons of soy without even knowing it… then before you know it you have breast cancer or testicular cancer… or a hormone in balance… wow…. This is crazy info… if you don’t believe me start googling and start freaking out…

Now…. I love food…. So here is where I’m torn… taste or health… health… or weight…. Weight… or life… life… What if I can figure it all out… What if I can figure out how to make food…. That isn’t expensive… that is easy to make… that is healthy to eat… that doesn’t contain a bunch of added garbage… that makes me feel amazing… and that helps me lose weight… God opened my eyes… this is the direction I need to go!....

So for almost two weeks now I’ve been thinking about this and wanting to head this direction… I wasn’t sure how or when or where to start…. Again God moved things in my life… a friend asked me to do a Daniel Fast with them… well I’ve never fasted before…. I like food and coffee and well I just wasn’t sure… so I prayed and God said yes… do this… lean on her… have her lean on you… cleanse your body and start anew… start without false tastes… taste my food that I’ve made for you…

So here I am… the day before my fast begins… now I know that when you do a fast it is supposed to be between you and God and you aren’t supposed to advertise it or whatever… But here is the thing… God put this blog in my life so that I could share things with you… whether it’s about food, information, religion, or a combination… I need to be open and public…

If you don’t know or understand what a Daniel fast is(which I didn’t until recently)… the nutshell of it is only water, fruit, veggies, beans, whole and natural grains, and nuts…. The concept is based upon the following scripture:

 Daniel 1:8-16 ⁸ But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way. ⁹ Now God had caused the official to show favor and compassion to Daniel, ¹⁰ but the official told Daniel, “I am afraid of my lord the king, who has assigned your^[a] food and drink. Why should he see you looking worse than the other young men your age? The king would then have my head because of you.”  ¹¹ Daniel then said to the guard whom the chief official had appointed over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, ¹² “Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. ¹³ Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see.” ¹⁴ So he agreed to this and tested them for ten days.  ¹⁵ At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. ¹⁶ So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead.

So here are some of the foods I bought to eat….. Mostly organic dried fruits… whole organic grains… some unsalted uncooked nuts, 1 bag or apples, 1 bag of tangerines, and some fresh veggies….

Today I’ve sent the day prepping… I’ve made some organic steel cut whole oats with a date puree for sweetness, and a bean and rice ‘soup’…. Tomorrow I’m going to crock-pot a vegetable soup to have for the week as well… I also picked a few Lara brand bars… certain varieties of these bars are approved on the fast as they only contain a few ingredients and are natural…

I do not plan on tracking calories while doing this fast… we’ll see how this works… I’ll either lose or gain a ton… I plan on doing this for the full 10days… after that I will add back lean meat and lean dairy in moderation… I will basically be transitioning to a clean diet… (are you happy now Vikki Morgan you finally convinced me! Now be prepared for questions!)

The biggest struggle I feel I’ll have is the lack of coffee or tea… after the 10days I will add back these two things… in moderation… with no artificial sweetener…

In other areas God keeps clearing things up… He keeps moving the right people into my life at just the right time…  I’m feeling extremely blessed… at times I feel a little overwhelmed with all the tasks in front of me… However I realize more and more that we are to be Jesus’ hands and feet… I need to lead by example with all aspects of my life… I need to eat clean, live clean, think clean, praise the Lord, read the Word, study His master plan…. I need to continue to be a better me.

More about soy:

http://www.businessweek.com/2000/00_51/b3712218.htm

http://www.choosingraw.com/the-raw-truth-all-about-soy/

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100318131025AAdW9jF

Daniel fast:

http://daniel-fast.com/

http://danielfast.wordpress.com/daniel-fast-food-list/

Thank you for stopping by... please pray for me as I begin my fasting journey... I pray all is well with you... xoxo

Long catch up blog....

A very long catch up blog….

It’s been a while since I have blogged… I thought I’d take a little break because sometimes I found trying to compose, photograph, and upload every single day was too time consuming and possibly even throwing me off track… was I ever wrong or what… just when you guys turn your backs I go so far off track that I’m having a hard time getting refocused… I realize where I’ve been going wrong in some areas… I keep losing focus… It’s like I get this wonderful revelation from God and I stick with it a few days then it disappears… so I need to keep my focus where it needs to be… 1 getting closer to God, 2 eating healthy foods to nourish my body, and 3 exercising and fixing the body that I have ruined with gluttony and selfishness for the past 28yrs…

So here is where I have been and what I have been doing….

Thurs, Fri, and Sat I was playing around over in Amish country in Ohio… I had a wonderful and blessed trip… I got to spend some time with my church girls and get closer to them… I also got to eat… eat some amazing tasty and beautiful foods…. Of course…. I didn’t track any calories… I didn’t think about the calories… I ate with wild abandon… I put food first… bad bad bad choices were made… I learned from this that I must stay strong and not lose the focus the way I did… sure it all tasted amazing… but the scale is punishing me for it now…

So here is the confession of what I ate….

Thursday: Breakfast= egg mcmuffin and an unsweetened iced tea… lunch=a BLT on whole wheat with baked pita chips and water… dinner= 2 cabbage rolls with mashed potatoes and a salad and a roll… dessert= iced coffee and a giant cinnamon bun…. I also snacked and ‘tasted’ several things at the bulk food store… not so good idea…

Friday: Breakfast= continental breakfast which was the worst I’ve ever seen… it was only carbs… no protein… no meat… no eggs… not even a yogurt! Ugh…. I had toast with peanut butter, ½ of a waffle, 1 bowl of cereal, and a small juice…  Insert more samples here… including coffee… cookies… dips… crackers… etc…. Lunch: 1 giant chocolate milkshake, a fried fish sandwich, and French fries… Dinner: Carrabba’s… This is the first time I’ve ever ate there… it was yummy, expensive, and calorific! I ordered a dish that had chicken with goat cheese and steak marssalla for a side I got pasta in a tomato sauce and a salad… I also ordered a giant dessert… sooo sooo bad!  Why does bad food taste so amazing!?!

Saturday: Breakfast at a different hotel: 2 small bran muffins, 2 hard boiled eggs, 1 small juice, 1 yogurt, and a banana… and several cups of coffee… ok not excessively horrible… lunch= a turkey salad from cracker barrel+ pecan divinity candy…. Dinner= 1 iced coffee from sheetz… then I snacked like a fiend once I was home…

I had an amazing non-scale victory on Sat… I bought a pair of amazing size 22 junior jeans…

  

Sunday:  I started soooo strong… I had a protein shake with my FRS energy concentrate and I was satisfied… After church I was hungry I wanted something good… we decided to try a new place… it was ok.. The food was greasy… so I dove way off track... I had a Turkey BLT Panini and fries with cheddar and bacon… I skipped dinner and opted for more snacking…   I had purchased this Mrs. Miller’s Peanut Butter Spread while in Amish country… needless to say that became my current addiction….

It was an incredibly fun trip and I hope that it is something we can do again next year… of course by then I’m hoping I’ll have built up some of my will power!  At the same time part of the fun was the food… I don’t normally eat like that… that’s what added to the fun… do I wish I would have made some healthier choices… yup… do I wish I still would have ate all of that… nope… would I do it exactly the same gain… probably 

I was so exhausted from this trip that I went to bed at 630pm on Sunday night and then could barely crawl out of bed Monday morning…

Monday… giving myself a few verbal lashings… thinking about all the fun… all the things I ate… all the things I bought… How to get back on track from here… what I need to accomplish… that I need to be stricter and more dedicated… I need to keep my focus and stay strong…  I need to blog more… I need to reach out to people more for support and to give support… I realized that sometimes I’m a terrible friend… I realized sometimes I focus too much on myself… I thought I had beaten my selfishness, but I realized it’s still something I battle with…

So here I am…. Monday morning… at work… there are some big changes happening… I’m going to be moving to a new department… I’m not thrilled about it, but I realize I need to make the best of it… I still essentially will be doing the same job, but under a different manager… and possibly on a different floor… that is mostly that part I’m less than happy about it… I need to make the best of it and just focus on how blessed I am to have such a good job… that’s often hard for me to do… I focus on the negative and not the positive I’ve been trying to change this… it seems as though the more I try to fix my flaws and problems the more obvious they become to me.

I am attempting to gain focus and stay on track… For breakfast I had a protein shake made of 1cup of Tropican50cal orange juice+1 scoop of vanilla whey protein+ 1 small banana… yums!!!!!!  For my first snack I had a piece of oatmeal bake which I had made a while ago and was hanging out in the freezer… for lunch I wanted to go with something light since I’m trying to really restrict my calories today… I went with two cups of raw broccoli with 2TBSP of Light Ranch Dressing + 1 Dannon Oikos Black Cherry Yogurt + 1 apple… for my second snack I had ½ of a 100 calorie bag of popcorn and for dinner I had 1 sausage link+ 1 slice of light provolone cheese + 2 servings of asparagus… 

Monday night was my Faithfully Fit meeting… I gained 3 pounds… that’s right… I know I know I should feel shame and horrifying embarrassment… well I’m over it… it is what it is… I’ve learned from my mistakes and am picking up the pieces…. 

We exercised for 25minutes at the meeting… I was reminded at the meeting that I am participating in a 5k at the end of this month… scary…

After the meeting I had a slice of toast with sugar free jelly and then hit the sack!

Today:

Weight is going down slightly….

Breakfast: 1 scoop of vanilla whey protein + 1 cup of Trop50 light orange juice+ 1 small banana

Snack1: 1 packet of blueberry oatmeal + 1 blueberry greek oikos yogurt

Lunch: 2 slices of fresh homemade white bread + 1 TBSP of PB + 1 TBSP of SF Jam + 1 Apple

Snack2: 1/3 of a bag of Amish Microwave popcorn—this was a disappointment… It claimed on the package that this was hulless… it was not… there was hulls…

Dinner: 2oz of whole wheat linguine + ½ Italian sausage + 2 cups of steamed broccoli

Randoms: 2 TBSP of the amazingly addictive finally gone peanut butter spread! + 1 mini tootsie pop + 1 dum dum

Exercise: 32minutes on the treadmill + 20 minutes on the recumbent bike

Calories: 1625

That’s a little higher then I’d like to be at this point.  I’m hoping to cut back a little more tomorrow. 

I had all kinds of photos to upload but I’m having some serious difficulty with my computer lately… hopefully this issue will get resolved soon…

Praises: Wow Lord... You have blessed me and my friends and my family in so many ways that I can't even begin to thank you... I lift up praise after praise in your name Jesus... You have given to me a cup over flowing with love... Each struggle that comes in to my life is a lesson to rely on you and trust in you alone... I know that all that I have and all that I am is by your will... God you are good... always... even when I don't see it... even when I'm not faithful... even when I stray and turn myself from you... You God... You are standing there waiting for me... Thank you for all that you have done... I am not worthy of your love, but I so need it.

xoxo

Overwhelmed….

I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed lately… I’m trying to decide in which areas I could cut back to allot time for other tasks… There are some things I can’t cut back time on such as work, commuting, and household tasks… There are some things I need much more time for… the gym, church, and my blog… It’s finding the right balance that I’m feeling like I’m struggling with… I love writing the blog… It helps me to connect and feel like I’m allowing people in to my world to experience the struggles that I go through, to share my ideas, recipes, photos, and life… I love going to church… the feeling of peace and calm I have in that building is like no other… I physically need to go to the gym… I’ve been seriously slacking at this lately and I need to pick up the pace…. So what do I do?

I’ve decided I’m going to cut my blog back to a couple of times a week… I’m shooting for Tues, Thurs, and Sun… However that may not start until next week as I have a trip coming up and will be out of town those days J Instead of sharing the day to days of exactly what I ate, when I ate it, and how I did it… I want to share more of the recipes, struggles, and successes… I also want to share things that I think may help you along in your journey as well…

So to do a brief catch up from the past few days:

On Fri 9-30-11 I made an Ah-may-zing Vegitable Soup…. Seriously go to your freezer take out all the open bags over veggies… put in crock-pot…. Add 2 cans of tomatoes…. Leftover spaghetti sauce… leftover pizza sauce… some water… cook all day… and enjoy!  Here is the breakdown of exactly what when into mine!

2 cups of frozen corn, 1 bag of frozen green beans, ½ a bag of frozen lima beans, ½ bag of frozen spinach, 2 small cans of mushrooms, ½ bag of frozen onion, 1 can of ‘italian style’ diced tomatoes, 1 can of ‘mexican style’ diced tomatoes, ½ a jar of spaghetti sauce, and ½ of a jar of pizza sauce… I also put in 2 cups of water…I cooked for over 8hrs on low….

A serving was approx 3 cups for just about 200 calories!!!!

This was amazing! I served with some Fat Free Sour Cream… The second day I served with some fresh baked bread… you know the frozen dough kind that you thaw then bake! Oh it was tasty for dipping!  It did lead to a small binge because frankly I love fresh bread! I also brought this for lunch today and have enough for lunch for tomorrow and possibly Wed as well…. This made a ton! It would freeze nicely… however I plan on finishing it while the weather is still cool!

On Sat 10-1-11 I attempted a faux pumpkin cheesecake… it was tasty… yet the texture was well… off!  I took ½ of a large can of pumpkin, 2cups of fat free greek yogurt, 4 eggs, and 1.5cups of splenda for baking… mixed well… added cinnamon and nutmeg… baked at 350 for approx 30-45minutes… again… the taste was great… the  texture… well it was weird… if texture doesn’t bother you I will tell you to try this… if you are like me and the texture of things grosses you out this may not be for you!

I mentioned I had a little binge… I’m not exactly sure at what point the binge started but Saturday and Sunday were both bad food days for me… It then trickled into Monday… At some point I had told myself that I didn’t need to track my calories.. . that because I’d done this for soo long I should be able to track in my head and not use the resources I’d been using… bad very bad idea…. I learned a great lesson from this… when you think you got it all figured out is when the devil strolls in and rocks your world…

I'm back on course and realize now where I need to be... I need to track and be careful constantly on my gaurd....

I'm so close to my next goal I'm currently at 29lbs lost! This is super exciting and I can't wait to hit 30lbs!

I have a very exciting trip coming up Thursday.  I'm going to Amish country with two of my fellow CCC girls! This is great! I'm super excited... and a little worried... well Amish country tends to lead to baked goods, gravy covered mashed potatoes, biscuits, and bread... YIKES! It's a little scary, but I know my girls will help me stay on track!

Praises: I'm so thankful for a savior who sacrificed His life for me.  So that I could lead this life.  It is my goal and responsibility to lead this life to its fullest, to worship and serve, to praise and sing the joys of Christ to the world.  Although I've been feeling a little down I know that God will never give me more then He can handle... When times get tought I need to rely on Him for comfort and peace.  Each struggle is a reminder of how much I need the Lord in my life. The stronger I am, the closer I grow, the more I learn, the more I realize my life is to be lead to glorify Him and that is where I've been going wrong all these years.

xoxo