Thrown for a loop.....

It’s been a while….

Let’s start with where I’ve been and where I’m going….


Unfortunately my boyfriend had a death in his family… it was sudden… it was unexpected…. It threw me into a brief downward spiral… it had wreaked havoc on my body…. We are now picking up the pieces….


I feel sad for him…. He lost his mother in December and his aunt a short 9months later…. Those two women were best friends…. They were more than sisters…. We knew what a toll it had taken on his aunt caring for his mother while she had been sick for years… however we didn’t realize the toll it had taken on her health… I know they are both in heaven together laughing and carrying on….


Saturday we got the dreaded phone call that she had passed… we packed our bags and headed east to DE to be with his father…. It’s odd that a 40somthing man needed his daddy but it’s really the only close family he has left… I think he needed to hold on to that…. We left late Saturday night and arrived at around 2:30am Sunday morning…. This is where my choices get taken away and I quickly get thrown back into an old lifestyle… I honestly can’t remember what if anything I ate on the road other than a McD’s snack wrap and a couple of granola bars… once we arrived I was exhausted and stressed and food was the furthest thing from my mind… The next morning we spent some time with his father and step-mother… It’s always been too long in between visits with them and I try to soak in every minute with them I can… We went to breakfast and I ate some seriously unhealthy food… then I didn’t eat again until later that evening…. We had pizza that was well not so lovely, but it was done in tribute to his aunt… she loved that pizza place… I did manage to get a side salad! … the next morning I grabbed a sandwich at the gas station on the way to the funeral…. After the funeral is when it really hit me… not only the loss and pain that my love was suffering but my own loss of a women who I cared for and who loved me… So I ate… 3 large unhealthy jewish sandwiches…. And cookies… also during this 3 day period I know I consumed at least 2 candy bars, 3 soft pretzels, and 9 very large and creamy cups of coffee, and several pastries…. I also have a confession… I smoked… that’s right…. I smoked… 9 months and several fights with him about his smoking and I caved…. Someone said something at the funeral about my boyfriend not knowing who I was and I heard it… at that point I realized I had two choices smoke… or flip… In order to not make a scene I walked away… I internalized all my hatred, sadness, and anger… rather than floor this women who obviously didn’t know my boyfriend or wouldn’t dare be talking trash on him I took it out on myself…


Today… my IBS is extremely flared up… what took 3 months to get in control is gone… not that I won’t or can’t do it again… but what I learned is this… the devil will take all things he knows about you and when you are at your weakest he will use them all to have you turn your back on God… sad but true… now the recovery and healing begin…


I took today off because I need sleep… I hadn’t slept in days… I woke up at around 10am…


Weight: oh my well let’s just say I’m in recovery mode and I’ve gained at least 4 pounds…


Tuesday: I’m not going to blog about my food I’m still really off track. I’m also trying to get my mind wrapped around all the things that have happened. In the mean time I had made some food that I never blogged about that I’d love to share with you!






Saturday:


Red Lentil Soup (If you enjoy bean soup you should give this a try!)


3 cups of dried red lentils


1 bag of frozen chopped onions


3 TBSP of chicken bullion


1 Tablespoon of fresh chopped garlic

While in the crock-pot

Rinse dried lentils in a colander. Add all ingredients to crock-pot. Add 6-8cups of water. Cook high for 6hours.


The red lentils will lose all of their color. You can blend the soup to a smooth texture if you prefer or you can leave chunky. I preference leaving it a little on the chunky side. Example below:

This makes about 6 2cup servings.

Today:


Cheesy Chicken Broccoli Casserole


2 cups of cooked brown rice

1 lb of cooked and chopped chicken

6-8 cups of steamed and chopped broccoli


2 cans of 98% fat free broccoli cheddar soup


1 ‘can’ of water






Easy version: Mix all ingredients together and microwave for 10minutes


Better version: Mix all ingredients top with bread crumbs and parmesan cheese bake at 350 for 45minutes

Tomorrow I plan on being completely on track and hitting the gym… I need to work my body… I know I’ll being feeling better about a lot of things once I get some treadmill time.






Praises: I’m so thankful for all of the people who showed me support and love during my time of need. I’m thankful for a family I can always count on and friends new and old who are always a text or call away. I’m thankful for normalcy and going on with life. I’m thankful for this blog that gives me a reason to keep going when I just want to give up. Most importantly I’m thankful for a Christ that comforts and loves me in my time of need. Even though I strayed He was right there by my side.

xoxo